


"Oh, hey, I think I'm gay"

by Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y



Series: Sanders Sides x SGE Crossover [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: AU, Acceptance, Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Gets a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Coming Out, Fluff, Implied homophobia, M/M, One-Shot, SGE au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:24:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22720168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y/pseuds/Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y
Summary: It came to him suddenly, like a flash of lightning. His arms seized up, and he fell onto his stomach, knocking Chordata the turtle off of his back and sending him rolling around the gym. Roman looked at him curiously. Virgil looked away. His heart was pounding, and not because he’d just practically hurled his Physical Education teacher across the room. Chordata was calling for them to keep going (and for one of them to flip him back onto his feet), but Virgil heard none of it, his mind stuck in place.Now what?*Can be read as a standalone, but would make significantly more sense in context. Not part of the canon plotline of "Was This a Good Idea"-- just a small story of what would/could have happened, if any plot or major plot points disappeared.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides x SGE Crossover [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602640
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	"Oh, hey, I think I'm gay"

Virgil should have realized sooner. He  _ should _ have realized sooner, with a more intelligent reason to realize and with a better reaction. In fact, he had many things he wanted to change about his realization. For instance, he would’ve slowed it down to over the course of a few months, instead of the sudden “ _ oh _ ” moment he had, in the middle of Physical Education, with Chordata perched on his back. He definitely would’ve erased the moment where he startled so hard he knocked Chordata off his back and fell over. He likely would have taken Chordata out of the equation entirely. 

Sometimes he thought that he didn’t want the realization at all. It had been better when he was ignorant, and all he knew was that something was off. Odd. Different, but not  _ bad _ . Not something like…  _ this. _

As it was, he did not have the ability to turn back time and make himself blissfully unaware, and so he was left with the present, meaning he had to focus on the present. 

Even though the present scared him.

Even though the present scared him so much he wanted to pack his bags and disappear into the Woods in order to get eaten by some faceless creature with twenty-seven mouths. 

Yes, that sounded much better than staying in the present.

However, he was in the present whether he liked it or not, and now he had to deal with the present. As nerve-wracking as it was.

~~~

He told Logan first. He didn’t know  _ why _ he chose to go to Logan, who wasn’t even in the same School as he, was technically  _ evil _ , and was certainly not the most convenient or wisest person to go to with information such as this. He’d been planning on telling Dolos, because then Dolos would fix it, and Dolos would keep it a secret, and Dolos would make it all better and right again. But he did, even though he hadn’t been considering telling  _ anyone _ , really, and it slipped out, falsely casual and off-topic.

He was waiting for a scolding.

Dolos would have scolded him.

Logan, though, hadn’t even blinked. He merely nodded, not looking up from the notes Virgil was supposed to be taking as well, and stated, “I had suspected as such.”

He omitted any clues that could have led him to this conclusion.

It left Virgil feeling like he had made a big deal over nothing (he had spent a full week panicking after figuring it out himself), but also rather relieved. And bewildered. Logan himself felt mostly nothing, only mild curiosity that the purple-haired sort-of-Ever had, one, not known this sooner, and, two, told  _ him _ , both of which he filed away in his brain for later reference, along with the fact that Virgil was now looking distinctly relaxed for once.

Virgil was not, in fact, relaxed, but he  _ was _ something akin to it, although he wasn’t exactly sure what that something was. Perhaps the calm before the storm? And the storm  _ was _ coming. He could see it on the horizon, brewing dark and cold, and he shivered despite himself. 

He told Patton next. He honestly should have told Patton  _ first _ because well, Patton was the  _ best _ person to deal with emotions, but, as he’d thought before, the past was the past and the present was  _ now _ . This time it did not simply slip out and had actually been semi-planned, although Virgil had never gotten around to  _ fully _ planning it. Instead, he’d devoted his mind to worrying until the opportunity for sharing arose and he decided then would be a good a time as any. He regretted it immediately, slapping his hand over his mouth and waiting for screams. He’d wanted to tell Patton, but at the same time, he hadn’t, and now he was going to pay the price.

Patton gave him a reaction he had never thought to expect. A huge squeal, a hug, and a hurrying to a more secluded area to interrogate him on the details of his epiphany. While he had anticipated this most eagerly, somehow he preferred Logan’s calm, nonchalant acceptance to Patton’s exuberant congratulations, which made him feel uncomfortable and excessive. He declined informing Patton about this and instead marinated in the feeling of belonging for a while, which he had not experienced in a while and doubted he’d get the chance to again.

He did get the chance a few hours later, though, when he managed to catch Talyn at lunch. He had already known that the now pink-haired Ever would be completely fine with this (but had he?), yet he still worried exceedingly for the duration of time up until that point and a few minutes afterward as well as he let their words of “cool, I’m proud of you” sink in. 

He liked Talyn’s response the best, he discovered. The perfect balance between not brushing it off and not making a scene. This was why he liked Talyn. 

They drew together for a few minutes (Talyn was much better than he and was in the midst of designing a ballgown for the Snowball), and then Virgil was off to his next class, and Talyn was off to what should have been  _ their _ next class but most likely would amount yet another drawing session where they’d ignore the teacher and get very frustrated over corset shapes.

Virgil felt lighter after this. He’d never known that a vise gripped his heart until it had loosened.

It was exhilarating.

Virgil had not told Joan. Joan had told  _ him _ . In the middle of Surviving Fairy Tales, while Chir wasn’t looking, and neither was anyone else, in a very rude tone, but without any rude words. How the crude henchman of Logan’s had learned Virgil would never know. He’d spent the rest of the day wondering about it. Worrying.  _ Waiting _ . Joan was in the School for Evil. Joan was  _ evil _ . 

Joan hadn’t done anything. 

Somehow that almost made it worse, and he’d spent three days looking over his shoulder, hiding in the library, and knotting his stomach into tight coils, even when it was clear that Joan  _ wouldn’t _ do anything, because they  _ could  _ now, and when had they learned? How did they know? 

But Joan did nothing. And Virgil moved on.

When Virgil told Samir, the old swords instructor had nodded, admitted to being something similar yet also completely different, and told him to make his movements smaller and more precise. Just like that.

The storm cloud got bigger with every person he told. He waited for someone to yell at him, or scoff at him, or taunt him. But the ones who knew didn’t, and the ones who didn’t know never thought to. 

Samir proceeded with the lesson as usual, even though Virgil’s heart was pounding, and Virgil got the chance to tell Roman afterwards when he encountered him while leaving. He didn’t know why he said it. It just--happened. His heart froze, and his brain froze, and his feet froze and he almost fell over.

Roman hadn’t responded, having to rush away to warm up for his own lesson before he could, but promised they’d talk later, before Virgil had his tutoring session with Dolos. This did nothing to make Virgil calm down. It, in fact, made Virgil  _ more _ anxious, wondering what Roman would do with this information and what he thought about it and if he’d be hated forever and ever and ever for this secret that wasn’t a secret anymore and--

Once later had arrived, Roman pulled Virgil away at the gym and softly informed him that Virgil’s new information about himself applied to him too. He explained that he was reluctant to be fully open about it, as most Evers were only slightly tolerant at best, including his own father. This surprised Virgil, since he’d been of the mindset that Roman was self-assured about everything, and he began to ponder on just what else had been a front.

Encouraged by Roman’s truthfulness, Virgil let the detail that most people in Gavaldon were actively against it slip on accident, and then immediately regretted it for fear that Roman would think he was trying to belittle his own experiences or be overly pitiful. They’d both stared at each other for a few minutes after, but, to Virgil’s surprise, Roman had looked away first, preferring to stare at his feet instead. They’d then stuttered over the awkward silence before Roman had fallen back on old habits and accidentally insulted him. 

Virgil had almost fled.

Hastily apologizing, Roman scuffed his toe into the marble floors and quietly said that he had thought he was the only one in their School who this fact applied to, and he was honored that Virgil wanted to tell him. This was very true, since he hadn’t thought he and Virgil had the relationship yet where Virgil would have ever told him  _ anything _ even remotely important, much less…  _ this _ . What was not true was his statement before that, since he knew that multiple people in the School for Good were either sympathetic to people such as them or  _ were _ people such as them, but was loathe to say so due to being sworn to secrecy. 

Virgil accepted his apology, also choosing to look anywhere  _ but _ at Roman’s equally red face and agreed that this would have been his response as well, if not for the quite obvious fact that he  _ had _ known that other “people such as them” existed. He did not share any of the names of the people who had confided in him, and Roman surprised him by not pursuing this gossip.

They parted ways. Virgil almost cried in relief, but he hadn’t. Roman had almost been stunned, but he hadn’t. They were both too happy for emotions such as those.

After that conversation, Roman found that he never looked at Virgil in the same way again. 

Virgil found that he didn’t mind.

The storm cloud shrank back with every day that passed, until it had been reduced to a smudge in the corner of his eyes. 

Then it grew.

Virgil told a boy named Thomas by accident. The boy in question, who Virgil had seen around (he’d kept track as Thomas was one of the only Evers not to stare or make fun of him), but never approached, had pulled Roman and him aside after Good Deeds. He then proceeded to inform them both that he’d had an epiphany earlier in the day and felt that they were the best people to approach. 

Without thinking, Virgil had shared his own epiphany. 

Suddenly, the storm cloud swelled until it was right on top of him while pouring heavy rain. He didn’t know this person. _He didn’t know this person_. Who was he? Would he tell anyone? It’d take the spotlight off of him, nobody would expect someone who sold out a supposed friend, what if he told people, _what would they say--_ Thomas gave him a hug. Virgil was surprised at this, less from the hug and more from the newly discovered knowledge that he was fine with it, since he had always considered himself as a not-huggable person. Roman gave both of them a hug that Virgil was expecting even less but liked even more, and they had laughed and gone on with their respective days, all three of them feeling a little bit lighter. Just a bit, but it was there, making Virgil feel more comfortable in his own skin, that had previously felt so tight and restrictive and _not his_ _but still his but better but worse but so, so, so…_ right. It felt so right. 

Virgil didn’t tell Dolos.

Dean Emile had been particularly calm when hearing about it, despite being the dean of of the School for Good, a school that had seemed particularly unwelcoming. When Virgil had let it slip during a rant about how stressed he was, Emile had just smiled reassuringly, only speaking up when Virgil started panicking about blurting it out. 

The storm cloud grew before receding once again.

After calming Virgil down, Emile explained gently that he had no problem with this, and it was good that he didn’t since the fact applied to him, too. Dean Remy would have said the same, as he was particularly open about it for a Never.

Virgil had uncertainly said that he thought, a bit, that  _ he _ had a problem with it, because it  _ was _ a problem, it had to be, because that was what he had been taught, and what he had learned, and what seemed so matter-of-fact until it wasn’t and he didn’t know what to think other than that it was  _ wrong _ and  _ bad _ and  _ he _ was wrong and bad and--Emile was hasty to shut this down and  _ keep _ it down with firm counterarguments to Virgil’s protests, making all of them seem rather silly and ill-thought out. 

The storm cloud popped out of sight.  _ Oh _ . Oh, of course. Of course. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? And the vise loosened considerably, and his heart slowed down to a snail’s pace, and he wanted to cry out of sheer relief because  _ oh _ . 

Emile gave him a lollipop once they were done talking.

Virgil kept the wrapper in his pocket long after it was gone.

~~~ 

Virgil never felt like he truly belonged in the School for Good. His body was too scrawny, his face was too cruel, and his hair was too dark to be a proper purple shade. But for the next couple weeks he tried a little harder in class, traded more puns with Patton, let Roman do his nails with the sparklier shades, and debated random topics with Logan even when they started to make no sense. He sat wordlessly with Talyn while they drew for longer, and he didn't even try to stop the giggles that escaped when Joan told a crude joke, and he smiled, just a bit, when people looked him in the eyes.

His friends never questioned this new change in him, although they had all noticed it, each explaining it with a different reason, none of which were technically correct. But regardless of their accuracy, they all agreed to savor it while it lasted, because Virgil was happy, and so they were happy as well, and they didn’t need to know the reason, and Virgil never told them.

He did it out of appreciation. Because they had shown him his place, right next to all of these people that he had never expected to meet when he first arrived, feeling alone and so, so very scared. 

No, he might never belong in the School for Good. But he belonged with these people, these wonderful flawed people who loved him and who he loved and who he would  _ help _ and  _ protect _ with all of his strength because they were so  _ awesome _ , and  _ cool _ , and he told all of them that as soon as he could, even though he was nervous about how they’d respond, because they deserved to know that. 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t afraid anymore. No, that was most definitely untrue. In fact, he might have been more afraid, since now so many people knew of his realisation, and so many people could hurt him now, and so many people could leave him. He was the most vulnerable he had ever been, especially with people who  _ cared _ for him and who  _ he _ cared about.

But when the thoughts came to him, creeping into his brain, crawling into his mind, and trying to convince him that lies were truths, he would ignore them, because they were wrong. He knew that they were, because he had  _ evidence  _ now. Because when he had let people see him, they hadn’t turned away. Not out of disgust, or sadness, or fear. He had opened up his heart, and all they’d done was give him hugs. They hadn’t rejected him. They hadn’t  _ yet _ , at least, and that was good enough.

_ He _ was good enough.

He belonged.

And that was all he’d ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright!  
> Now, because I'm paranoid and want to do any readers justice, if you see anything, and I mean ANYTHING that could be considered offensive, please tell me! Representation is important, but it is horrible if I got anything wrong or if I said anything that could be triggering or insulting in any way. Caellie beta-read for me and she said that it was fine, but I want to be let known if at any point you begin to feel a horrible "that makes me feel uncomfortable/that makes me feel alone/that makes me feel icky and bad and like somebody gave me a back-handed 'compliment' that just made me insulted" feeling, because that was NOT our goal in any way, shape, or form.br />  
> I hope you enjoyed!  
> \--Vaye Rue
> 
> Yes, please do let us know if there is anything you feel that is offensive or insulting that is mentioned in here that we have missed!! While I do consider myself to be part of the LGBTQ+ community, there may still be things I did not catch or did not know about. That was most definitely not our intention, and if there is anything, we will attend to it immediately.
> 
> That said, please enjoy this little story~!  
> ~Caellie E


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